A strange world of my own (looking back to move forward)
I love crossmyheart. Like, really really love it.
I feel like I always say whatever I’ve made most recently is one of my favorite things I’ve ever made. But usually after some distance, I tend to feel otherwise; I can only see the flaws in what I did, the little things I hoped to accomplish that only I know but that I somehow feel everyone looking at or listening to the work notices instantly as a flaw.
But this time it’s different. I’m not sure if that means the work is actually stronger, or I’ve been doing this long enough that my relationship to artmaking has evolved, or maybe I’ve actually—gasp—learned to let go of expectations. But whatever’s going on: I’m here for it.
Sometimes when I go to bed, I put on my AirPods, queue up this album, and fall asleep listening to it. Not because it’s boring, but because it soothes me. If you’ve actually listened to it, that might sound bizarre. But for me it’s comforting, like a warm hug. I know I’m safe when I spin this record (right ‘round). That’s probably because it’s such a fully formed world entirely of my own making. It might be dark and strange and intense—but it’s mine.


